Entries for the New Dictionary of Rightspeak
The English language is changing…. Keep up with the new meanings of key words and phrases in David Cameron’s Brave New Britain
aspirational > adj. grasping, acquistive, exploitative
aspirer > n. person who prefers churches with towers
blob > n.an example of solidarity in education (qq.v.)
Chancellor of the Exchequer > n. minor part-time role in Government, subordinate to that of designing gideons (q.v.)
class warfare> n. as politics of envy (q.v.) but at higher volume
class warrior> n. one who demonstrates reluctance to show the deference due to those more successful (q.v.) than himself
clegg > n. a near-fatal infection caused by ill-chosen relationships and broken promises (briefly synonymous with scottish q.v.)
compassion > n. a desire to alleviate the suffering of those in a less fortunate situation than ourselves. Note on usage: Formerly regarded as a virtue, now more appropriately distrusted as leading to diminished self-reliance in others.
death tax > n. phr. (formerly known as inheritance tax) state-licensed larceny; the confiscation of the assets of strivers (q.v.) from their heirs, who contributed nothing to their acquisition
decency > n. (1) unquestioning respect for one’s betters; (2) adherence to traditional Christian values
democracy > n. the system whereby a sufficient minority (q.v.) are periodically induced by systematic misinformation to approve their own impoverishment
deserving > adj. deferential; compliant
education > n. regimentation of the minds of the young, encouraging the amassing of factual information and the suppression of creative or critical thought
Europe > n. the model for the fictional Mordor
family > n. a group of individuals, normally co-resident, rendered
deserving (q.v) by virtue of having at least one member working (q.v.)
flexible > adj. (of workforce) compliant
food bank > n. an opportunity for the better-off to demonstrate, to themselves and others, their moral superiority by contributing to the welfare of those less deserving than themselves
gideon > n. a cynical, well-funded Machiavellian plot designed to advantage one small group at the expense of all others
hard-working > adj. (1) with above median income; (2) compliant
humanity > n. an economic resource to be patronised and exploited
landlord > n. a public benefactor who devotes his personal assets in the form of real estate to the housing of those less deserving than himself
localism > n. the principle that allows the vested interests of the successful (q.v.) to veto any development in their vicinity which might benefit the interests of the general public
long-term plan > n. phr. a speculative gamble, with other people’s lives as collateral, which can at critical moments be spun as a success
loyalty > n. (1) unthinking support for the government; (2) means of disclosing spending patterns for exploitation by large corporations
meritocracy > n. a system where inherited wealth and privilege is protected to sustain the distinction between ‘strivers’ and ‘skivers’ (qq.v.)
milliband > n. (1) 1/1000th of a band; (2) (colloq.) much diminished group (usu. of party workers / voters)
non-Dom > n. a Dick
one nation > n. phr. the community of rich English people south of Grantham
political correctness > n. anything disapproved of by the Daily Mail i.e. almost everything
politics of envy > n. phr. any attempt to suggest that any of the product of economic growth should be redistributed downwards
private > adj. (as in ‘p. enterprise’): creative, efficient, moral, virtuous, committed to the common good
professional > n. a know-all whose advice should be ignored adj. cynical, as in professional foul
profitability > n. the only meaningful yardstick of merit or virtue
public > adj. Pardon?
red tape > n. any regulation placed on commercial activity designed to protect employees, customers or the general public that may compromise the primary purpose of maximizing returns to owners or shareholders
scottish > adj. suffering false adoration and vilification in quick succession (cf. Clegg)
self-regulation > n. a process whereby an inherently harmful industrial or commercial enterprise is encouraged to massage its public image without compromising its profitability
skilled > adj. (of immigrants) needed by company donating to Conservative Party funds
skiver > n. one whose natural talents and inherited resources are insufficient to earn a subsistence income
solidarity > n. stubborn resistance to change, no matter how ludicrous (see also blob q.v.)
striver > n. one who uses any lever available to amass personal wealth and power
successful> adj. rich
sufficient minority > n. phr. the proportion of the electorate required to produce a parliamentary majority for the Conservatives
taxpayer > n. one whose resources are insufficient to hire the services of a competent accountant
think tank > n. an organization, suspicious of intellectual activity, with undisclosed sources of funding, acting as a front for (usu. powerful) vested interests and aimed at influencing public opinion
trickledown > n. the illusion that any of the product of economic growth percolates below the 10th income percentile.
wealth creation > n. phr. the manipulation of the product of others’ labour for personal enrichment
wealth creator > n. a person in the top one percent of earners
working > adj. temporarily off the unemployment register
